Look Me in the Heart (Part I)

The doors opened, and Myron was amazed to see David and Maddie holding hands and singing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.” He shook his head and followed them down the hall, picking up the harmony.

Inside the office, Agnes was smiling when she saw the two enter.

Maddie cheerfully said, “Good morning, Miss DiPesto! How did you sleep?”

“Great. Great. You?” Agnes answered back.

“Lousy.” David smiled handed Maddie her briefcase and walked toward his office.

“But great.” Maddie walked toward hers.

Maddie and David paused in front of their respective office doors holding what appeared to be a meaningful look and a connected smile. The staff looked back and forth between the two. Agnes sense of victory was broadening her smile. It worked: the deception, the sabotage, the butting in worked. They had found their way back to each other – or at least a common ground.

“Miss DiPesto?” David took his eyes from Maddie to meet Agnes’. “Can you…?”

“…cancel your reservations?” She finished his question.

“Yes, I won’t make it today. Make them for tomorrow – same time, same channel.” He did not wait for an answer from Agnes. He did not look back at Maddie. He started singing again, “Leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again…” And curled into his office and closed the door.

The entire staff turned to look at Maddie. The smile she wore a moment before had melted into disappointment. She tried to fake a smile, but instead her head, shoulders and gaze dropped. She walked to David’s office, knocked quickly and entered. The staff looked after her, then toward Agnes. She was devastated. MacGilicuddy walked in.

“So, how did Operation Elevator go?” His grin was out of place in the mood of the office and was wiped away quickly.

“We got shafted?” Agnes slumped down on to her stool. Bert walked in behind him and heard what Agnes had to say.

“I told you not to interfere, but you wouldn’t leave it alone…” His I-told-you-so angered Agnes.

“HERBERT! If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.”

“Those two need to work it out for themselves.”

“But that doesn’t mean they CAN!” She stood up so that she towered over him. “How can you be so unfeeling? So uncaring? So uninterested in your own survival?”

“My own survival?”

“Don’t you see – if they split – so do we. If they go down in a blaze of glory – us – all of us – will be nothing more than nameless extras.”

“Extras?”

“Do you know what that means?”

“It means auditions, acting classes…” Bert looked upset.

“Being known as ‘that guy that used to be on that show.’”

“… playing bit parts in B movies and guest spots on bad sitcoms. Oh, my god – we have to get them back together.”

*****

Inside David’s office he is in the bathroom “freshening up.”

“David, may I talk to you? “Maddie’s voice was her usual harsh, abrasive tone, but there was a note of hurt in it as well. He mumbled an acknowledgement.

“You are still going to Virginia. “She stated.

“Shouldn’t I? “He called from the bathroom.

“Of course, you should.” She paused, wishing she had said something else. “I mean – well – I thought you might have changed your mind.”

“Should I?”

“Yes. I mean no. Nothing. You should go, if you think you should go. Do you think you should go?” She had her back to the bathroom and was absent mindedly looking at the items on his desk. David was watching her from behind. The apprehension was evident in her and that made him apprehensive.

He walked back into the bathroom so that she would not know that he had been watching her. “It is a very comprehensive class … FBI … CIA … NSA… one of those. I think I could pick up some really useful stuff. “He was standing looking at himself in the mirror. It was clear that he didn’t believe a word he said.

“Oh well then – I guess you should go.”

“You don’t want me to?” Again from the bathroom keeping the distance between them at a maximum.

“No, well yes, I mean if you think that it would be advantageous. I can certainly keep the home fires burning for a week or two.”

“If you need me to stay …”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You should go.”

He poked his head out of the bathroom. “Okay, I’ll go…” The presence of his voice in the room startled her and she turned to see his face. He was grinning at her. “…if you think I should.”

“Of course.” They held a very long look. The tension in the room was so thick it could be cut with a knife. There were so many words that could have been said, so many feelings that could have been expressed, so many issues to be resolved, if only one of them had taken the first step. “It’s only two weeks, right?” She said with a tone of arrogance.

“It might me more …two, three, not more than five or six.”

Maddie’s disappointment was becoming impossible to hide. After a long pause, where the eye contact was not broken, she said flatly, “Take as much time as you need. You have earned it.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she dropped her gaze and left the office without another word. David looked after her and looked disappointed and unhappy. He had won is objective, which was not to hurt her as much as it was to show that he was his own man. That he did not dance to her tune any longer. He closed the door to the bathroom.

*****

Inside Maddie’s office, she had taken off her shoes and was pulling off her panty hose. She had untucked her shirt and taken off her jewelry. Her hair was flat and hanging down limply. Her makeup had worn off during the night and the dark circles under her red eyes were very apparent. She was far from being the glamour girl that had made her famous, but there was still a beauty about her that shone through.

She was staring off into space looking for something that wasn’t there. She leaned back in her chair. Her eyes attempted to fill with tears. She was not going to let herself cry. If truth were told she had pretty much cried herself out last night. David was there for that, he had held her and comforted her. He shed a few of his own tears. They did not talk about what they were feeling; the loss, the loneliness, the hurt and the pain. Maddie had thought that they were so in-tune that words would have been a waste. It appears now that they were feeling entirely different emotions. Last night she believed that they were on the road to recovery. Last night she sincerely felt the love for David that she had been running from for the past 9 months if not 4 years. Last night she thought he felt it too.

She walked into the bathroom and turned on the water to wash her face. As the steam collected on the mirror, Maddie looked at herself. Every line, wrinkle, and imperfection in her still beautiful face was plainly evident. She saw clearly, in the steamy mirror, all that she had been, all that she had become and all that she had lost.

The Music came up: “Look Me in the Heart” sung by Tina Turner

Last night we tried to touch. But we never got close
Last night we tried to talk,
The words got caught in our throats
When we finally fell asleep, We couldn’t have been further apart.

Look me in the heart, If you think that love is blind
Baby, look me in the heart, And you’ll see that I’m
So crazy ‘bout you, baby, And it’s not me in my mind
Can’t you look my in the heart, Look me in the heart

You tried to say that I’m, Hiding from you
You act like a spy. Always looking for clues
Now you’ve heard about my past.
But why don’t we try to make a new start

Now remember how good we used to be together
Remember, baby, so be tender, baby
Remember the love we said would last forever
I know we can make it like that again.

Every hollow place inside of her ached as she looked back at her life. So instead, she focused on the future and what it would hold. For the first time in 4 years, she didn’t believe that David would want to be a part of that future. She couldn’t blame him, and she didn’t. The blame lay completely on Maddie’s shoulders. Justifiably or not – she was taking upon herself the fault for everything. Maddie took her seat behind the desk and let her mind go blank.

*****

A soft knock on the door and Agnes walked in. “Miss Hayes, the mail just arrived.”

Maddie made no response but took the mail absent-mindedly from Agnes and started sorting through it. Agnes stopped at the door and looked back at Maddie. She couldn’t help herself. She needed to meddle again.

“Miss Hayes, I need to say something.” Maddie did not look up. A thick envelope that had come in the mail distracted her. “I know that this is really none of my business, and you are probably going to get very angry with me for sticking my nose in but… I have to say that I think you and Mr. Addison…. I think if you ask him not to go to Virginia, he would stay…”

Agnes babbled on for a few more minutes, making her points and backing up her ideas with historical facts. Maddie was not listening. She was reading though the documents that she pulled from the envelope. A look came over Maddie, as if something was made clear. Finally, Maddie dropped the papers on her desk, got up and walked toward the window. She made a small noise that Agnes thought was a laugh or smirk and then she wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

“Miss Hayes? Miss Hayes, are you alright?”

Maddie finally turned toward Agnes. Her expression was unreadable.

“Agnes, I’ll be at home.”

“Home? “Maddie picked up her purse and shoes and walked toward the door. “But Miss Hayes… What about Mr. Addison?”

As soon as Agnes mentioned David, Maddie stopped dead in her tracks. Her door was open, and she could see that David’s door was not – how like them. She did not turn to Agnes; she did not want to see how what she was about to say would affect Agnes.

“Tell Mr. Addison to have a nice trip.” She said softly trying to maintain control over her voice. Maddie left, striding purposefully out of the office in her bare feet, only taking her eyes off David’s door at the very last moment.

Agnes worked her way around to Maddie’s desk to see what upset her. The papers were the final bill and medical reports from the hospital: the birth certificate and death certificate; the doctor’s report was on top. The child, a son, had lived for 4 minutes. The space for his name, as well as for the father’s, was left blank.

“Miss DiPesto?” David’s voice called from the doorway nearly frightening Agnes out of her skin. She dropped the papers that she was holding.

“Mr. Addison! I was just…”

“Snooping! I can see that.” He walked toward the desk. “Where is Miss Hayes?” He picked up the papers and started looking through them.

“Miss Hayes went home.”

“Is she coming back?” He was not really paying attention to what he was saying or the responses he was getting.

“I don’t think so.”

“Fine. Well, I’m headed out, too.” He dropped the papers back on Maddie’s desk without reaction. “I’ll come by this afternoon to pick up the tickets.”

“Mr. Addison?”

He was disgusted. “Look Agnes – I know you mean well, and I am willing to let that little elevator thing go … but please – with all due love and respect – it is none of your damn business.” His voice betrayed no anger or irritation. It was a well pointed statement.

“Yes, sir, it is.” David left without further remark and Agnes was left alone knowing that it was all out of her hands now.

*****

As soon as the doors closed in the elevator, David was alone – truly alone. Those hospital records affected him as they had affected Maddie. It was the check for the mess they had made over the past 9 months with a balance due of $40k.It disgusted him that the hospital could be so callous, business like, unfeeling about such a horrendous event in two people’s lives. All that lost hope, those broken promises, dashed dreams – spoken and unspoken – were condensed into a few pieces of paper – with a “remit to” of at the bottom. He tried to put it out of his mind – he had only loved Maddie; he was only prepared to raise her son as his own. It was not like he lost anything … real. That is what he told himself anyway.

David, however, missed the secret in those documents. Maddie had not. The fatherless nameless male child was 29 weeks along not 32 weeks as was presumed. The baby was David’s and not Sam’s.

David leaned his head against the back of the elevator and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. All he wanted was this episode to be over. He let all his facades down and his true feelings were crystal clear for those of us who could see him. He was completely and totally wiped out. There was no shine in his eyes and there was none of that cock-sure attitude in his backbone. He could barely hold himself up. There was no strut to his gait and no heart in his soul. Everything caught up with him. Between Sam, the too much and then too little sex, Chicago, the waiting, Rita, the pregnancy, jail, Mr. Hayes, Terry, Walter and Maddie’s uncertainty about their relationship though out the entire disaster – his feelings of love and hope were twisted and tested and pushed beyond all reasonable limits. Maddie’s words rung in his ear, the words she said in the Laundromat the night before she ran away to Chicago:

“If this is love it’s too hard, if this is love I’ll live without it.”Maybe she was right – for both of them.

Now almost 10 months later, those red hot and ice-cold feelings that kept him tied to Maddie and to Blue Moon for so long, were gone. And he didn’t want them back. For the first time, he was convinced that he and Maddie never belonged together – not personally and not professionally. For the first time since she walked into his life, he wished she had closed the agency a lifetime ago.

He climbed into the back seat of the cab. He briefly thought of going to Maddie’s but changed his mind. He was tired and hungry and what he really wanted was a drink. He told the driver to take him home and he leaned back and stared out the windshield of the cab. He would deal with Maddie and Blue Moon when he got back from Virginia. The rain was coming down in buckets and the water blurred the view of the streets. He wasn’t really looking anyway. He had his own visions playing inside his head. There were of he and Maddie and the life they had and would have had together. They were all diluted now as if the rain were washing them away.

“I Can’t Stand the Rain”

I can't stand the rain, Against my window
Bringing back sweet memories,
I can't stand the rain, Against my window
Because she's not here with me
Hey window pain, Do you remember
How sweet it used to be
When we were together, Everything was so grand
Now that we're parted, There's a one sound
That I just can't stand, I can't stand the rain…

The first thing Maddie did when she got home was strip the remaining clothes she had on and stand in the steaming hot shower until the water ran cold. It was not refreshing, soothing or calming as she hoped it would be. It actually only intensified her irritation. She tried to sleep but could not. She couldn’t shake the odd feeling that she would never see David again and the impact that would have on her life. She paced her house trying to distract herself.

“Simply the Best”

I call you when I need you, my heart's on fire
You come to me, come to me wild and wild
When you come to me, Give me everything I need.

Give me a lifetime promises and a world of dreams
Speak a language of love like you know what it means
And it can't be wrong, Take my heart and make it strong baby.

In your heart I see the star of every night and every day
In your eyes I get lost, I get washed away
Just as long as I'm here in your arms, I could be in no better place.

Each time you leave me I start losing control
You're walking away with my heart and my soul
I can feel you even when I'm alone, Oh baby, don't let go.

You're simply the best, better than all the rest
Better than anyone, anyone I've ever met
I'm stuck on your heart, and hang on every word you say
Tear us apart, baby I would rather be dead

David was the one who never give up on her – on them – until now. For the first time she knew that David would not be there to con her, charm her, trick her, cajole her into staying. She no longer had the luxury of knowing that he would always be there – ready, willing and able to make her want something – need something – that she did not know she wanted or needed. She wondered if she could take that roll this one time. No, it was not her style.

Early in the evening, Maddie dressed and drove to David’s apartment. She needed to see him, to talk to him. She needed to apologize. She needed to tell him about his son. Her reason was not clear. His mind was made up, she knew that, but she couldn’t let him go – them go – without so much as a goodbye. She had to try to gain his understanding – if not forgiveness.

*****

David was packing. His suitcases were in the living room with nearly every article of clothing he owned lying on top of it. The stereo was up very loud, TINA TURNER’s voice was cracking the walls. David was singing along and mocking her movements and voice while moving back and forth between the living room and the bedroom.

“What's Love Got to Do with It”

You must understand, Through the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react,
That it’s only that thrill of boy meeting girl.
Opposites attract

It’s physical, Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that
It may seem to you, That I’m acting confused

When you’re close to me, If I tend to look dazed
I read it someplace, I’ve got cause to be
There’s a name for it, There’s a phrase that fits
But whatever you do, You do it for me.

I’ve been taking on a new direction,
But I’d have to say
I’ve been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love but a sweet old-fashioned notion?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?

Maddie climbed the stairs toward his open door without ever really knowing what she was going to say to him. She watched unnoticed from the doorway for several minutes and smiled at him. He eventually caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye and turned off the music.

“Maddie? What are you doing here?” He was confused by her amused stare. “I was going to call you tomorrow.”

She smiled and shook her head. “I thought I should come by tonight. Almost packed for your big trip?”

“Did you come by here to make sure I didn’t forget my toothbrush?” She shook her head again and walked in taking a seat on the stairs.

“No, I didn’t.” She paused, looking for the words to say.

“I’d offer you something to eat but I just threw out my last piece of dried cheese.”

“Nothing – thank you.”

“Beer? Shot of Jack?”

She smiled. “No. Thank you. --Thank you?” She said to herself as if she had found what she was looking for.

“I am sorry David.” He started to speak but she held up her hand. “Please – I am sorry that things turned out like this.” She stopped herself as if she were scolding her own words. “I am sorry that WE turned out like this.”

He leaned against the wall and let her talk. She only occasionally made eye contact with him. The emotional distance between them was too great. She could not bear to look into his face and see the stranger he was becoming.

“I am sorry for many – most - almost all the decisions I made; Chicago, WaIter... I am sorry for every doubt I had, and I am sorry that it cost us both very dearly.” Her eyes started to tear up, but she forced them back by sheer will. David made no move to comfort or stop her. “I am not sorry that we happened, just how it ended.”

“Ended.” David said softly. At this moment in time, he believed that there was not too much more for them to do but finish.

“I need to tell you something.” She continued after a moment. “I have spent all day wondering if it were something you needed to hear or just something I needed to say and I still don’t have a good answer.” She paused again and David shifted his position slightly.

“The baby – was yours.” She looked him in the eyes to see his reaction – if he had one, she could not read it. “I know that it makes little difference now, but I wanted you to know.”

He nodded absent-mindedly.

“I want to have your name put on the birth certificate.”

“Why?” He asked quickly. That one little word was full of meaning – anger, frustration, hurt. Why did she need to ask him now?

“Because regardless of the circus that preceded his birth, he was conceived in love.” Maddie stopped to look at David to see if he would disagree. He looked away. “I don’t want our son to not have a father on the record.” David nodded slightly.

“They let me hold him – did I tell you that?” David said in a distant voice. She shook her head. “He was so small he could almost fit in one hand. He was beautiful – in a sticky red sort of way. He looked like my Uncle Glenn after he had been drinking. He was so small.” He shook his head trying to scatter the memories. “Fine, Fine – do what you want. Is that all you have to say? I really have to finish packing.”

Maddie stood up and turned toward the door. It was a mistake going there without an agenda. She stopped in the doorway still with her back to the room.

“Thank you, David.” She said.

“What?” He asked in a surprised voice. She turned back toward him.

“Thank you. You have been a good friend and a great partner. I want you to know that I really appreciate what you have brought to my life – the good, the bad, the terrific and the infuriating. Because of you, I have learned a lot about myself and people and life. I am only sorry that it came at such a prohibitive price.” She looked right through all his distance and bravado to his heart. “I’ll miss you, David.”

David was unsure as to what to say. “Sounds like you are saying ‘Goodbye’ for good.”

“Aren’t I?”

“I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.” She shook her head and stepped back into the room.

“No, you won’t David. We both know that.”

“How can you know that?” He asked disgustedly. “I don’t even know that! “She pointed toward the suitcases and the boxes in the corner.

“Two weeks David?”

“I want to be prepared for anything.” He tried to smile, and she did too. He looked uncomfortable, like he was somehow supposed to justify his choice, but he didn’t know how to do that without hurting her. The truth of the matter was that he didn’t know how he would feel in two weeks – he didn’t know if he would be back.

“It’s OK David. You don’t have to explain. We’ve been through hell – I can understand why you would not want to go there again.”

“Would you?”

“Actually…” She nodded. “I would hope that I would not make the same mistake.”

“Which ONE?”

“FINE - Mistakes.” She paused for a moment and stepped down the stairs toward him. “I believe the worst is over for us. But regardless of what I feel, I’ll have to accept that there are some storms that just cannot be weathered.” He looked down and away. She got very close to him and stroked his face with her hand. He looked into her eyes.

“I love you, David. I always will.” She paused. “I am sorry. You were right.” He cocked his head as if to ask about what. “When you said I needed you to live – way back when.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “That is all I really came here to say.” Slowly she turned and walked toward the doorway.

“So, what happens now?” He called after her.

“You go on your seminar and in a month or two or three – when we are all sure that you are not coming back – I’ll close the office.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” She shrugged her shoulders fighting back the tears. “Do you want to know what I will miss the most?”

“My singing?” he smiled.

She shook her head. “The sparkle in your eyes.” She got very sad. “Go find your sparkle David.” She walked out of the apartment.

*****

David arrived at the airport an hour before his flight. The line was painfully slow it took him nearly 40 minutes to get to the front of the line. He really did not notice the time his mind was spinning with all sorts of feelings and images that he could not get a handle on. The attendant waved him over.

“Morning.” He said to the top of her head. He handed her his ticket and pulled his ID from his wallet. “Yes, I packed my own bags. No, no one has asked me to carry anything on the plane and no, they have never left my sight.”

“That is fine sir – your plane left 24 hours ago. This ticket was for yesterday.” She handed it back to him.

“That’s impossible. My secretary called and changed my reservations.” David pulled back the ticket and it indeed was for yesterday. He looked disgusted. Agnes was meddling again. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. The attendant was clicking away on the keyboard.

“I can book you on the 4 o’clock to Virginia through Denver and Dallas. You’ll arrive at 2am.That is the first seat we have available.” She was disinterestedly annoyed waiting for his answer – it was not quickly forthcoming. “Sir? Hello? Shall I book you on the 4 o’clock?”

“What else you got?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Never mind – refund the ticket.” He handed it back to her and picked up his bag. He stood on the curb waiting for the next taxi trying to decide what to do. The cab pulled up and he opened the door and flopped down in the back seat.

“Where to Mac?”

It occurred to David that he had to go – out of town – out of Los Angeles. He couldn’t take the chance that he would see Maddie, not now, not for a while. He didn’t want to go back to Philadelphia. He was a man without – anything.

“Hey Buddy, sometime today?”

“I’ve got $300 bucks in my pocket – how far will that get me?”

“I’ll take you to Mexico for that.”

“Head ‘em out. Stop at a liquor store before you hit the 405, will ya?”

“You got it.” The driver headed out of LAX, and they were bumper to bumper on the 405 headed south in less than 15 minutes with a bottle of Jack Daniels and two bottles of Sauza Anejo.

David stretched out in the back seat and took a long hit from one of the bottles. The driver tried to talk to him, but David asked for the radio to be turned up. The driver slid a tape into the deck and turn up the volume. David leaned back and tried to let his mind go blank. The music came up.

“Back Where You Started”

Baby tell me what you're trying to prove,
Playing games with my heart
Hey now listen, I ain't gonna take one more night,
You're the one who broke the rules
And I'm the one who played the fool
Now you're trying to tell me it's alright.

You should know better than to hurt a friend
You'll never get another chance again
You'll be back where you started
I know you won't admit it,
But you're broken-hearted
Back where you started

You think it's gonna be easy
But it just gets harder, harder
You had a way with words
One look and I was under your spell
I didn't know should I stay or should I run
You can't deny you told me lies
Love 'em and leave 'em baby, that's your style
I'm not afraid to take life as it comes

You play with fire I guess you'll never learn
You mess with me babe, you 're gonna get burned
You'll be back where you started
Then you'll know how it feels
When you've been discarded
Back where you started

You think you got it made but it won't get you far
No it won't get you far
Who's gonna help ya, throw you a lifetime
I'll tell you one thing, you've really done it this time
You took your one chance and let it slip away
You're not the kind who'll ever settle down
The rumor’s getting out all over town
You'll be...

The next thing David remembered was waking up on the beach in San Diego, Mission Bay to be precise. A kid was poking him.

“Hey mister – wake up.” It was after dawn. “Hey mister – are you dead?”

“LEROY!” A loud woman’s voice called from a little distance away. “Leave that man alone. If I tol’ you once, I tol’ you 1000 times – don’t be botherin’ strangers. You get your butt over here before I come over there an’ give you what for.”

“But Gramma – I think he’s dead.”

“Dead drunk is more like it.”

“But Gramma.”

“LEROY – don’t make me tell you again.”

“Yessum, Gramma.” The boy trotted back to his grandmother and David sat up. His head was pounding, his mouth felt like it was coated with fir, the sun hurt his eyes. He tried to focus, but vision was too blurred. He looked in the direction the boy went, and he could almost make out a very large black woman and the boy.

“Look Gramma – he ain’t dead.”

“Looks like he wishes he was.” She laughed. David looked in her direction and wiped his face with his hands. The old woman got up and moved toward him.

“Son you look like you could use a strong cup of coffee.”

“Yes, ma’am I could. About a gallon ought to do.”

“Well come on then.” She held her hand out to him to help him up. “Let ol’ Jackson fix you up. I got just the ticket.” David allowed himself to be pulled up. He nearly fell back down again, but she steadied him. “LEROY!” She bellowed and David’s head throbbed painfully. “Grab his bag – come on now – don’t make me say it twice.”

Jackson took David up to a little bar just off the beach. It was closed at this hour of the morning, but she let herself in the back way with a key. David threw himself into the nearest booth and laid his head back. The room was spinning, and he felt like he was going to be sick. A few minutes later she came out of the kitchen with a pot and a cup. She set the cup down in front of him and took the seat opposite. David sat up, picked up the cup and took a big gulp. He started coughing right away and she laughed.

“Should’ve warned you – that there is the morning after cure.”

It took David a minute to catch his breath and stop coughing. “Morning after what – a nuclear war?” She laughed. “What’s in this? Rocket fuel?”

“Pretty close. It is a family secret; I could tell you but…”

“Yeah, yeah I know … then you have to kill me. So, let’s get on with it. Kill me now.” She laughed again. She had a great laugh – it was from deep within her and reflected in her eyes. David took another drink from the cup and was almost able to suppress the cough.

“So, who was she? Wife? Girlfriend? Lover? Mother of your children? Someone else’s wife? “David looked her in the eye. He thought of denying it, but he really didn’t have the strength and he knew she wouldn’t believe him.

“Boss.”

“You did this to yourself over a job? Son you don’t deserve my coffee.” She filled his cup.

“Actually, she was all of the above.” He added softly more for himself than for Jackson, “…or should have been.”

“You know what they say about shittin’ where you eat?”

“Yeah, Yeah, and hindsight is 20-20.”

“And you were innocent as a newborn babe, I suppose?” He looked at her with a smile as if he had been caught.

“Well, maybe not innocent, but certainly not guilty.” She nodded as if she didn’t believe him.

“Where are you headed?”

“Mexico – I think?” David reached in his pocket to pull out his wallet. It was gone, with all his money and his ID. “But now – nowhere.”

Jackson studied him for a moment as if she were adding things up. After a moment or two she said firmly.

“There is a room upstairs – it ain’t much – in fact, it ain’t nothing but a storeroom with an old cot. There’s a shower too – such that that is – but the water is hot. Yours if you want it until you can get word to whoever.”

David looked at her for a long moment. She was clearly a woman without an agenda, at least as it pertained to him. “Thank you …” He was looking for her name.

“The name is Annabel Lee Jackson Smith. Been goin’ by Jackson my whole life – Papa wanted a boy. I own this dump.” She extended her hand to him he took it slowly.

“Addison, David Addison.”

“Addison? I knew an Addison once, from Alabama. He owes me $500 bucks.”

“No relation.”

“Figures.” She got up from the table. “You looking for work?”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t play games with me son – I’ll kick your ass back out onto the sand as soon as look at you.” He smiled knowing that she could too.

“I suppose I am.”

“How are you behind the bar?”

“I can pour a drink.”

“Can you stay sober – or close to it so as not to drink up all my profits?”

“I think I can manage that.”

“Fine – start tonight at 5 o’clock. LEROY!!” Her voice pierced his ears and he winced. “Take Addy here upstairs and show him around.”

“Ms. Jackson?”

“Just Jackson, son.”

“Jackson, you don’t know me from Adam.”

“I don’t know Adam either. But I got a feeling about you – just your lucky day, I guess. Don’t cross me boy!”

He smiled and finished his coffee. He had no intention of crossing her.

*****

A little over a two weeks later – New Year’s Eve – Maddie sat in the empty office watching the city streets 20 floors below. She had given the staff the two weeks of Christmas and New Year’s off with pay. She assumed that she would know what to say to them about David when they got back after the holidays. She was really hoping that she wouldn’t have to say anything. David might come back; she knew in her heart he wasn’t. And that was confirmed earlier that day. She had gone to his apartment to see if he had returned – at least to Lashe met the new tenants. It seems that he had sublet his apartment – rather the apartment manager had sublet it – rather RENTED it. She could get very little information from the new tenants. They were a nice young couple. She couldn’t ever remember being that young or that idealistic. The apartment was full of furniture unearthed at Goodwill. It was hard to see it as David’s place at all. They were trying to be helpful, but Maddie felt the walls closing in on her. She excused herself quickly.

On her way out of the building, she ran into Colin, one of the young men who lived below where David used to live. He stopped her in the hall and asked if she knew when David was coming back.

“I am not sure, why do you ask?”

Colin explained that David had to leave his stuff (6 boxes of records, stereo equipment, weight bench and his suits) with him and his roommates to store. The rest he just gave them. Then he added, “We just found out that we gotta move next week.”

“I see. “Maddie suggested that they take the “stuff” to the office, and she would store it there.

“We got some mail for him too -- looks kind of important.” Maddie offered to take the mail and they made arrangements for the boys to bring David’s boxes to the office the following Monday.

“Could you tell me when he left this stuff with you?” Maddie needed to know.

“It was about a week and a half ago.”

“He didn’t leave you a forwarding address I guess.” She asked hopelessly. Colin shook his head.

The few pieces of mail sat on Maddie’s desk. A notification from Ed McMahon the David might already be a winner, a couple utility bills and a thick envelop with a San Diego return address. She had all but forgotten it. Maddie was at the lowest point she had ever been in her life. She had spent Christmas alone in her house ignoring all calls from Agnes, Bert, Sam and her cousin Annie. She spoke only to her parents; and to them only briefly. She tried to convince them that everything was fine. Her mother had asked about David and Maddie made up some lie. Her mother knew but chose not to press the point on a holiday.

Somewhere in that first 10 days, Maddie found her tears. She found herself tearing up at the grocery store over a little girl wanting some candy. She would weep uncontrollably when she missed the left turn at a light. She nearly broke down into hysterics when she discovered that she did not have the right kind of vinegar to make her mother’s green bean salad. Through it all she was grateful that she was alone. Agnes called her everyday – several times a day, but Maddie would always be “out” when she called.

New Year’s Eve to most of the world was at night for parties and fun, being with the one you love at midnight to ring in the new hope for the new year. For Maddie New Year’s Eve had always been about retrospection, introspection and resolutions. Maddie chose to be alone. This was the night that would end (at least calendar wise) the worst and the best year of her life. It had started out as just another year, but somehow the past, the present and the future collided, relationships shifted, and Maddie discovered her maternal instinct. Everything had blown up in her face. Most of it was by her own creation but there was one thing that she could not and would never understand. Why the child had to die. The past twelve months were full of regret, remorse and sadness – Maddie saw no hope for the future. It was not that she thought that her world would come to an end, rather she could not imagine what it would be like without David, without Blue Moon (and what would Blue Moon be like without David). There was no one to blame but herself.

Maddie sat down at the desk, pulled out her phone book and dialed a number.

“Hello? Mr. Addison? Yes, this is Maddie Hayes. … Hello! … How are you? … Yes, Happy New Year to you too.” David’s father was a little drunk. It was three hours to midnight in Philadelphia. He would not make 11pm. Stephanie took the phone away and was slightly more coherent. Without actually asking a question, Maddie discovered that David had not contacted them at all since the baby died. Stephanie asked why David’s phone was disconnected and Maddie made an excuse about David carelessly not paying his bill again. She got off the phone quickly. It was a bad idea to call them. She tried Richie’s number, but he did not answer. She did not leave a message.

Time oozed by as Maddie paced from room to room of the office. She fell asleep on the couch in David’s office and slowly awoke to the sound of the answering machine pick up. Agnes’ voice echoed softly in the outer office. Maddie didn’t think about answering the phone until it was too late.

Has the Grinch stole your Christmas?
Is Ebenezer causing a fuss?
Did you misplace your mistletoe?
Lose your Yuletide on a bus?

We know what you’re feeling.
Our halls are not decked.
No sugarplums dancing.
No sleigh to expect.

Our Chris Kringle has gone missing,
Mrs. Claus looks ready to cry.
We’re running out of excuses,
We don’t know what to try.

So, you see, we can’t help you,
We wouldn’t know how,
Not without the jolly old phat man,
And his partner, the Blonde Frau.

David hung up the phone. He had a strange smile on his face and a look of loss and longing.

“Hey Addy – are you working tonight?” Jackson called from behind the bar. “Come on son, it is nearly midnight, and we need that Champagne.” David picked up the case of Cold Duck and walked back behind the bar. The 30 or so regulars were all clamoring for their free champagne toast at midnight.

It was after 2AM when Jackson put their last customer in a cab. She reentered the bar to see David scooping up a sleeping Leroy and taking him upstairs. About 5 minutes later David was back down cleaning up the glasses etc. Jackson called him over to her. She had pulled out a private reserve bottle of whiskey and was having her own celebration.

“Addy – take a load off boy. They’ll still be there in the morning.”

“That’s the trouble.” David dropped the tray on the end of the bar and sat down near Jackson. “Great party!” He said with very little conviction.

“Not bad – so here’s to dumping the crap from last year.”

“I’ll drink to that.” David smiled and they drank.

She refilled the glasses and was silent for a moment. David fussed with the stereo. She watched him for a moment. “Addy you are really good with Leroy.”

“He’s a good kid. Had his first new year’s kiss tonight. Pamela “Boom Boom” Saunders.”

“That slut – picking on a kid less than half her age.”

“Don’t worry – he didn’t like it.” They both laughed.

“He will.” David nodded and took another drink. “You got kids Addy?”

David paused for a moment; his face flushed with sadness. “Would you please call me David? I really hate ‘Addy’.”

“Ok – Addy.” She smiled at him with a grin that he could not resist. He just shook his head.

“So where are Leroy’s parents?”

“The mother is doing 8 to 10. They finally took him away from her when she got busted for selling. Leroy showed up on my doorstep when he was 4 or 5. Never had a clue that he existed – neither did my son – not that he would have made a great role model. Hell, I didn’t make a great role model.”

“What are you saying – you are great with that kid –”

“Well, the grandparenting skills must have been better – both my sons were useless until the good lord took ‘em back, and my daughter won’t talk to me – hasn’t for 15 years.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey – nothing for you to be sorry about. They were my kids – I did the best I could with what I had to work with. Leroy’s father – Russell was a bad seed. Knew if from the day he was born. Never took a thing from me starting with the milk from my tit. Everyone else blamed it on Carl’s death. Carl was my husband, but I knew better. Russell was gonna wind up dead or in jail. He was out of the house by age 13 and he was dead by 28. This is all ancient history.” She drained her glass again and refilled them.

They were silent for a while. David was replaying Agnes’ message over in his head. Jackson had to call to him a couple of times before he heard her.

“I am sticking my nose where it don’t belong but it ain’t the first time.” David looked nervous – anything could fall out of her mouth next. He did not want to have a huge discussion. “Just how long you planning on hiding out here?” He was stunned and did not know how to answer. Jackson quickly added, “Don’t get me wrong. I love having you here. You don’t eat much, I pay you in food and board, and you are bringing in the ladies, which bring in the men, which lines my cash register. I am winning all around. But I just think that this is not the dream you were planning on living when you headed west.”

David laughed. “No, nothing personal.” He paused for a moment. She was still waiting for an answer. “I can’t answer your question, Jackson. I will tell you before I go – how’s that?”

“Not necessary.” She took another drink. “Why don’t you call this broad – this boss – this ‘all of the above’ of yours? You have been dragging your ass around here for the past 2 weeks.”

“No reason to call.” He said glibly. “There is nothing I want to say and there is nothing I want to hear.”

“This woman really messed you up.”

“How can you say that – maybe I was messed up before?” He felt the need to defend Maddie, although he had no idea why.

“I see you with the ladies Addy. You’re a charmer. When you get up on that stage, do what you do – you are taking every one of them home for some good lovin’, and God knows you could have the pick of the litter. But when the night ends you are sleeping alone in that old army cot. That just ain’t normal.”

“I appreciate your concern – “

“Concern – hell. Boy you got to get back or get over that bitch.”

David was quiet for a while, taking in her words. Softly he spoke again. “You ever been in love with someone you had no business loving, Jackson? The kind of love that you would cut out of yourself if you thought you wouldn’t bleed to death.”

Jackson did not miss a beat. “That was my Carl – that man was not only from the other side of the tracks he was from the other side of the universe. You know what I am saying?”

David nodded. “You made it work?”

“For 24 years we had the sun, the moon and the stars at our feet. We nearly killed each other in the process, but let me tell you the day I got the news that Carl wasn’t coming home – I never regretted a single minute. Not a harsh word or a thrown bottle. I’m a bottle thrower. Some women are slappers, some are walkers, but me I throw bottles. Guess that’s why I own a bar. They are my bottles to throw.”

“What happened to him?”

“Carl was a cop – detective in Detroit. I hated that job with a passion, but I couldn’t leave him. I told him that job would kill him someday. Someday came when some doped up, punk ass kid shot him for no reason. They should have shot me too and buried my ass right alongside of him. I was useless. The kids were 18, 15 and 12. My daughter took over – as best she could – but the boys were already too wild to handle and practically living on the street. She was gone at 18 never to be heard from again. It took me years to get back on my feet and this,” she opened her arm wide “is where I landed.” She reflected for a moment. “You know, the only thing better than fighting with him was the sex. Down and dirty and wild – like the fight. We would be raging at each other – near likely to pull the walls down – all it took was for his skin to touch my skin and we’d be down on the ground – “

“I get the picture.” David interrupted. “Jeez, all you had to say was ‘yes’.”

“So, you and this boss lady – oil and water, eh?”

He nodded. “She’s a slapper, a walker and a thrower.” He smiled and shook his head flashing on anyone of a number of fights he had had with Maddie. He let his mind linger over their first night together.

Maddie: What do you mean, "You don't have to say anything"? Stop smiling...Why are you smiling? How can you be so smug?

David: I'm not being smug. I'm being honest. I don't have to say anything...You know it and I know it...You feel it and I feel it...

Maddie: Stay away from me.

David: Here I come.

Maddie: But I don't want you...I never wanted you.

David: Yeah, right. I heard the speech about the goodbye grope.

Maddie: But that was for him, not you...Wake us. I’m not leaving him for you, I'm leaving him for me, me-me-me-me-me...Is that clear?

David: Why don't you try it in "C" Flat?

Maddie: Get back!

David: Put that down, Maddie.

Maddie: No.

David: Put it down!

Maddie: No.

David: I'm not gonna force myself on you...I don't wanna force myself on you...Tell you the truth, you're not worth it.

Maddie: What?

David: Not worth it! Not worth it! No woman is worth this, all right? Never mind, just forget about it, this was never meant to be.

Maddie: I'm not worth it! I’m not worth it? Look who’s talking about worth, Mr. Bargain Basement. If there was a closeout sell on human beings, you'd be the last one to sell!

David: Yeah, you oughta know honey.

Maddie: What does that mean?

David: I'll tell you what it means...it means that you're the kind of person who goes through life looking at the price tag instead of the merchandise. You want some guy who went to a great school, great mug, nice manners, well that’s fine... just fine...Makes sense. Look at you...you're not a person, you're a poster, and you deserve another poster.

Maddie: You're going over the line David.

David: You spend more time dressing than you do smiling...you spend more time with business than you do with pleasure...

Maddie: And your way is better...more time singing than working...more time screwing up than moving up...

David: Moving up? Is that what you believe in? Spare me.

Maddie: Is that what you believe in, huh?... What do you believe in? A good party?

David: I’ll tell you what I don't believe in wasting any more time...I'm sick of this...Two years of "Is you is, or is you ain't"....

Maddie: Two years of bees beeing and ducks ducking and a man who thinks that culture is dark beer! This is ridiculous, I'm miserable.

David: So am I.

Maddie: Yeah, well...I may have just let the best thing that ever happened to me get away, and look at me...here I am spending the evening having another pointless argument with you.

David: Fine.

Maddie: Fine.

David: Good.

Maddie: Good.

David: Bitch.

Maddie: Bastard. [SLAP] – Get out! [SLAP] Get out! [Aborted Slap and BANG]

“Hey Addy – where did you go?”

He shook his head – “Like watching a re-run. I know how it ends but yet I can’t help myself.”

“Well son, it is time for me to get on outta here. I’ll bring the car around and you bring down Leroy.”

“Leave him where he is. I’ll stretch out on the couch in the office.”

“You are a good man, David. Does your lady know?”

“She is not quite as quick on the uptake as you are, Jackson.”

“No one is my boy – no one is.” She struggled into her coat and walked toward the door. She looked back at David with a very motherly look about her. “The phone in the office works – maybe you should tell her.” She winked and disappeared behind the door.

David sat alone in the bar. He replaced the Tina Turner set with a Gary Moore CD. And took a long hit from the bottle Jackson left on the counter.

“Nothing's the Same” by Gary Moore

Another time, another place,
The lonely streets where we embraced.
Then you were gone without a trace.
Nothing's the same without you.

Another day goes passing by.
I sit alone and wonder why.
Sometimes it’s hard, but I will try
To live my life without you.

You are in my heart, You're in my dreams.
You are everywhere whose soul it seems.
So many times, I have heard that song.
Hold back the tears, the tears just come.

Another day goes slowly by.
I sit alone and wonder why.
I think of you, and I start to cry.
Nothing's the same without you.

Another time, another place,
The sweetness of our last embrace
What would I give to see your face.
Nothing's the same without you.
Nothing's the same...without you.

Maddie awoke to the radio.“Another time another place...” It was almost 4AM.She had slept all night on David’s couch. Her neck hurt and she had a throbbing headache. The phone rang. She checked her watch and got up and walked toward the phone in the outer office. It occurred to her that it could be David during the second verse of Agnes’s rhyme – she lunged for the phone – but no one was there. When she got home that morning, she noticed that there were 2 hang-ups on her machine. He called and she missed him. Maddie crawled into bed with the phone next to her ear.

*****

For the next five weeks Maddie hopelessly hoped that David would call or come waltzing back into the office. She tried to stay together for the employees, but when she was alone, she could think of nothing but him. David was not like her – he made his decisions quickly. He did not need 1 month or 4 to make up his mind. Maddie must have kicked herself a hundred times for not following him, or asking him to stay, or for just not giving him ‘permission’ to not come back. But in her more lucid moments she believed that she might have gotten him to show up for work, but it would not be the same, it would not be what she wanted. If they were to make anything of a life together, he needed to want it as much as she did.

It was late on a Tuesday night when Agnes walked into Maddie’s office and stood before her.

“Yes, Miss DiPesto?”

“I was hoping that you might have had word from Mr. Addison.”

“No – he must have taken the advanced level …”

“He never went to Virginia.” Agnes quickly said.

“What?” Maddie was shocked. “What are you talking about?”

“He never used the tickets – The refund from the airline came in today’s mail.”

“He must have taken another flight and used his own credit card.” Maddie was back peddling, but she was truly taken off guard.

“I called the hotel Miss Hayes, he never checked in. There never was any surveillance course, was there?” Maddie shrugged her shoulders.

“His phone has been disconnected.” She continued with obvious anger.

“Why did you lie to us Miss Hayes? If he is not coming back, don’t you think we have a right to know?”

“I don’t know Agnes – do you?” Maddie stood up and met Agnes’ anger with her own. For a brief moment Maddie wanted nothing more than to lay into Agnes all the frustration and hurt she was feeling, but one look at that sweet woman’s face made her relent. “The truth is Agnes, I didn’t know for sure that he wasn’t coming back.”

“But you suspected?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you stop him?”

“What should I have said? What could I have said?”

“You couldn’t think of anything?” Maddie was quiet. “Don’t you want him back?”

Maddie flopped down in her chair exhausted. “Yes, Agnes – in all his chauvinistic, sexist, adolescent, irreverent, unprofessional glory.”

“So why don’t you go find him?”

“He doesn’t want to be found Agnes.”

“You don’t know that.”

Agnes dropped the airline receipt on Maddie’s desk and walked out. Maddie was truly shocked. If David had not gone home and he did not go to Virginia – where could he be. She reached into her drawer and pulled out the mail she was holding for him. That thick envelope with the San Diego return address was still unopened. She slid the letter opener down the side and pulled out David’s wallet. The money was gone but the rest was intact. Now she was really confused, but she had a lead.

*****

It was late on a Thursday evening, two weeks later, when Maddie walked into a dive of a bar in San Diego. It was a real dump. There were only 15 to 20 people in the entire bar. There was a small group playing a rendition of “Respect” that Maddie had never heard before. She stood in a dark corner looking around. From the “stage” (a raised corner of the room about 8’ square) Maddie heard a harmonica start to play. She looked around the pole and saw David. He looked thinner than she remembered but otherwise just the same. She walked over to the corner of the bar, keeping her back to the stage and ordered a drink – no Chardonnay here – she got a double shot of Jack. There were two women sitting near her. There were a little drunk and talking more loudly than they realized.

“I could just eat him with a spoon -- like vanilla pudding. “She was gesturing toward David.

“Girl – I know what you mean! Oooh-eee.I’d like to show him some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.”

“Too bad. So sad!”

“Too bad?”

“Don’t you know girl? Some bitch did a number on him – he’s off women.”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Jackson.” She gestured toward the old woman behind the bar.

“That Jackson – always sticking her nose in where it don’t belong.” The girls nodded.

“Well, girl, the only way to get over one bitch…” She was smiling.

“… is to find yourself another – or TWO!” The girls said in unison and giggled. They took their drinks to a table near the stage. Maddie drained her glass and motioned for another.

The bartender brought her the drink and looked as if she were about to say something like “What is a nice girl like you…” or “You better slow down…” Jackson made a practice out of staying out of other people’s business – at least that is what she kept telling people.

“Looks like you got man trouble girlfriend.” Jackson’s voice caught Maddie off guard. She was thinking about what the girls had said and thinking that it was a bad idea that she came down here. She looked up to see who was talking to her and over Jackson’s shoulder she saw David coming behind the bar. He had not seen her yet.

“You could say that.” She could not take her eyes off of David.

“Well lady looking like you do – they won’t be for long. Isn’t that right Addy?”

“What’s that Jackson? “David called back not looking.

“This lady here says she’s got man trouble.” David took a sidelong glance down toward where they were, and his eyes locked on Maddie’s. “I told her that she won’t for long looking like she does. She looks like a movie star or something, don’t she?”

“You are absolutely right Jackson.” He through the bar towel over his shoulder and walked slowly toward the end of the bar. His expression faded into a slight smile.

“Tell you the truth lady, most men aren’t worth it.” Jackson said. “You take it from me – just like a bus, there will be another along in any minute.” Jackson never noticed that Maddie was not looking at her.

“Hey – Jackson. Take a break will ya. Let me see what I can do for this lady in distress.” Jackson shrugged her shoulders and walked into the back room.

“Surveillance Huh? “Maddie smiled a little.

“Undercover work.” David returned the smile.

“Always your strong suit.” She added quickly. “It is good to see you, David.”

“And to be seen.” He refilled her glass and poured one for himself. “What are you doing here Maddie?”

“I heard there was a great band playing here.” It sounded weak and too cavalier. David shook his head a little disgusted. “What are YOU doing here David?”

“Killing time. Tending bar. Living the dream.”

“Not very well – come on Buddy – I could use a little service down here.” A drunken customer called from the other end.

“I’m talking here, pal. Can’t you see that?”

“She’s way outta your league Buddy – just pour beer and stick to your own kind.” David grimaced at the remark and went to get the guy another beer. He poured several other drinks before he could get back down to speak with her again.

“So – where were we?”

“He’s wrong David.”

“About what?”

“What he said about you – he’s wrong.” David knew what she meant but shook it off. “You don’t belong here, David.”

“You don’t always get what you want, Maddie. But sometimes you get what you need.” He lifted a glass and drained it.

“You still have a job at Blue Moon. Agnes dusts your office every day and keeps the refrigerator stocked.”

“How did you find me?”

“I’m a detective David – learned from the best.”

He shook his head. “This isn’t going to work Maddie.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t come in here, say a couple of nice things and expect me to come running back like a little boy who ran away from home.”

“That is not what I am expecting.”

“You shouldn’t have made the effort.”

“I should get some points for coming in here at all – when was the last time this floor was mopped?”

“Goodbye Maddie! The drinks are on the house.” He took her glass and threw in the sink and walked away.

The two girls came back to the bar. “Hey Addy – you gonna buy us a drink? You can take it in trade later ….”

David would normally have a quick come back to boost their egos and let them down easy. “Not tonight ladies, my shift just ended.” He tossed down the towel and called to Jackson to tell her that he was leaving early. The girls looked at Maddie and Maddie at them.

“Yes ladies – I am the bitch.” She grabbed her purse and followed him out the door.

“David! DAVID! Damn it, David! Wait!” He stopped by a car – it was a beat up mustang that belonged to Jackson.

“What? What could you possibly have to say to me that I would want to hear?”

“I miss you, David. I want you to come back.”

“Not good enough Maddie. You should have gotten better writers.” He tossed his coat through the open window and opened the car door.

“I love you, David.” He didn’t get into the car. He looked aggravated.

“What does that have to do with the…” he was looking for something clever to say but nothing came. “…anything?”

“You love me – I know you do.”

“UN-BE-LIEVE-ABLE! You are absolutely unbelievable. Does the pressure of knowing every god damn thing ever get to you Maddie?”

Maddie and David got into a fight like they had so many times: shouting at the same time, not listening to the other, saying things that they did not mean. They rehashed their whole history. Each was finding fault with the other, neither taking more than a justified share of the blame. We won’t listen in on the fight – since most of it isn’t discernable anyway.

The Music comes up: “Better Be Good to Me”

A prisoner of your love, entangled in your web
Hot whispers in the night, I'm captured by your spell captured
Oh yes, I'm touched by this show of emotion
Should I be fractured by your lack of devotion
Should I, should I?

You better be good to me,
That's how it's gotta be now,
Cause I don't have no use,
For what you loosely call the truth,
Oh,You better be good to me,

I think it's also right that we don't need to fight,
We stand face to face, And you present your case
And I know you keep telling me that you love me
And I really do wanna believe
But did you think I'd just accept you in blind faith
Oh sure babe, anything to please you

You better be good to me,
That's how it's gotta be now
Cause I don't have the time,
For your over loaded lines
You better be good to me

It was pretty to watch is a voyeuristic kind of way. Maddie would advance toward David when she was making a point and he would draw back, he would advance on her when he was making his point and she would draw back. It looked like a well-choreographed and rehearsed dance. They – each of them as individuals and as a unit were hitting every mark, in their element, in the ZONE. It was poetry in motion. If they had come within half a foot of each other, it would all have been over – the scene from the big bang would have looked like a sweet seduction. The sexual tension between them was almost tangible. But they never got close.

“AHHHHHHH!” She screamed to stop the fight. She looked away. The standoff was over. She flinched. She was the first to break their eye contact. “You are the most INFURIATING MAN I have ever met!”

“Let it go Maddie!” He said decidedly. He had won – and he was disappointed about that.

“I can’t!”

“You had no problem a couple of weeks ago.”

“Do you know how hard it was to come here?”

“Do tell?”

“At least I showed up! At least I am willing to take the risk. At least I am willing to admit when I am wrong.”

He knew what she meant. She was talking about his not going to Chicago. It was the only thing about his behavior that he regretted; that and Rita. He still tried to convince himself that he didn’t go because she asked him not to, the truth of the matter was that he was scared. Scared of rejection, scared of what it would mean if he did show up and ask her to come back. She would have all the control. She would know that he loved her more than she loved him; that he needed her more than she needed him. Now, months later, standing in San Diego, the shoe was on the other foot, and it still didn’t fit right.

“What do you want – a medal?” He had to put her off – keep her away.

“I want another chance.”

“To what Maddie – finish me off. You used me, abused me and threw me away like yesterday’s garbage.”

“Right David – you were a saint, and I was Cruella Deville.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“What do I have to do David? What is it going to take?”

“You told me to go. You told me that I didn’t have to come back.”

“Since when do you do what I tell you to do?”

“Since YOU asked where the relationship was going. Since YOU needed time to think. Since YOU told me NOT to go to Chicago.” He paused and didn’t think the next line through enough before he said it. “Since YOU told me my son wasn’t mine!”

She was stunned and silenced by his remark. She couldn’t have been more hurt than if he had actually hit her with his hand. It took her a moment to gain her emotional balance again.

“Is that something that is so unforgivable, David?” Her voice was pained and nearing cracking. “Something that would have been resolved if … things had turned out differently – is so unforgivable?”

“We’ll never know, will we? We never got a chance to find out. You sent me packing-- so I am gone. I am going to stay gone.”

“You are being stupid – I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Stupid because I’m done getting trampled on? Stupid because I won’t let you call all the shots? Or just stupid in general?” He was in her face.

“Stupid because you are letting the best thing that ever happened to either of us slip away.”

“The best thing that ever happened to me was the Tedeschi twins and a hot tub.”

“Fine David! To hell with you!” She turned and walked away. A man – a large man – walked toward her from the other side of the parking lot.

“’Hey Lady, is this guy bothering you?”

“Not anymore.”

He tried to put his arm around her. “Come on Sweet cheeks, let BIG BONZ buy you a drink.” David started toward them, as if to defend Maddie.

Maddie threw BIG BONZ’s arm off, punched him in the jaw and kneed him in the groin. She left him moaning in the gravel. Maddie got into her car and drove away, she never looked back toward David. David walked up to the guy and helped him up.

“Wow! What a woman!” The man spit two teeth out onto the ground.

“You have no idea.” David smiled to himself. “Come on – we need a drink.” They walked back inside the bar.

*****

The following Monday morning Maddie arrived to work very early. She had not slept much since the night she fought with David. The door to David’s office was open and there was a light coming from inside. She smiled to herself briefly and then walked toward her own office with a straight face. She opened her door and was about to disappear behind it when David called to her.

“Hey, Blondie Blonde.”

“I should have changed the locks. “She did not turn around; rather she continued into her office forcing David to follow. She took her position behind her desk and did not look up to see him. David was clean-shaven and dressed in a freshly cleaned suit. His tie was tied, and his hair was neat. Not at all the picture of David she had left in her mind from the other night.

“Heard there was an opening for a detective here.”

“Leave your resume – don’t call us – we’ll call you.”

“My vast array of skills can’t be summed up on a sheet of paper.” She looked up at him. He was grinning like the Cheshire cat. His sparkle was back. Her heart melted, as she knew it would as soon as their eyes met.

“There have been a few changes in the last month or so.” She began with a lilt in her voice.

“Oh really?”

“Really. New policy and procedures for employees.”

“Well, that’s good – I have a few policy changes I would like to make myself.” He walked toward her desk.

“First of all – employees will show up for work on time.” She came around her desk to meet him, she was smiling.

“I was thinking flexible hours.” He countered.

“The dress code will be strictly abided by.”

“And that we go ‘office casual’ – real ‘casual’.”

“Crude, rude and sexist remarks are strictly taboo.”

“Present company excluded.”

“There will be no more singing, dancing, poker games, limboing or otherwise inciting the employees into unprofessional behavior.”

“Unprofessional being a relative word.”

“Finally, I want you to be a full partner – in the business.” She was serious.

“Partner? Full Partner?”

She nodded. “Are we agreed?” She put out her hand.

“I think – with a little more discussion - we can come to an agreement in principle.”

Their eyes were fixed on each other. He reached out and took her hand. The electricity between them was shocking. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it and then turned it over to kiss the palm. It sent a shiver down her spine.

After a long moment where they never took their eyes off each other, he asked. “What about the rest of it?”

“Rest?” She replied with a slight smile. He felt the games begin and was not happy about it. His smiled dropped.

“Never mind.” He turned his gaze away, but Maddie reached out and turned his face back toward her.

“Tell me David. Tell me what you want.” She was moving toward him, and he was backing away, until his back was up against the one closed door. He could have tried to slip out the open side but didn’t. She put her arm on the door as if to block his escape – an escape he did not want to make.

“Tell me, David. “She leaned in and kissed him. He let her but did not respond in kind.

“That’ll do for a start.” He smiled.

“What else?”

She was standing very close to him. He reached up, touched her cheek, and combed his fingers through her hair.

“No more early morning flights.” He said solidly.

“Agreed.”

“No more disappearing acts.”

“Agreed.”

“No more ridiculous questions – like ‘where is the relationship going?’” She pulled back slightly to get a better look at him.

“Discussion item one.”

“Finally - I like being an underling – rather you being the overling.”

“You don’t want to be an equal partner?”

“As you well know-- some people are just more equal than others. And you look better on top.” He said scanning her.

“Are we still talking about the business?”

“When were we talking about the business?”

The front door opened. David pulled Maddie’s open door closed and locked it without missing a beat.

“All other demands should be discussed in a more private location.”

He drew her to him and kissed her. It was deep, seductive and meaningful. Maddie responded. They were sealing the deal and oblivious to everything else.

Agnes knocked softly on Maddie’s door; no response. She tried the handle, but it was locked. She heard noises coming from the office, so she knocked again loudly. Finally, she called out. “Miss Hayes!” Nothing. “Miss Hayes, Someone has been sleeping in Mr. Addison’s office.”

No response.

“Someone has been using Mr. Addison’s bathroom.”

No response.

“Someone has been drinking Mr. Addison’s chocolate milk.”

Maddie and David broke their lip lock and laughed loudly and embraced.

“Miss Hayes – is there someone in there with you?”

David opened the door, but he did not move, nor did he let go of his hold on Maddie. She made no attempt to back away either.

“It must have been the Big Bad Wolf, Miss DiPesto.”

“MR ADDISON! You are back! “Agnes was overjoyed. Grinning from ear to ear - she wrapped her arms around them both and they just smiled at each other.

“Yes, Miss DiPesto, I am back. Miss Hayes and I were just discussing the changes that are going to be made around here.”

“Changes?” She released her hold on them and stepped back.

“First and foremost – today is an office holiday – send everyone home.” He looked out into the office and realized that no one else had arrived yet. “When they get here.”

“David!”

“Maddie.”

“Second – everyone gets a $50 week raise.”

“DAVID!”

“Maddie!” He smiled at her with such charm and sweetness – she could do nothing by nod.

“Stay tuned Agnes, there will be a lot of changes around here. Not the least of which will be our Miss Hayes’ new look.”

“New Look?” Maddie asked.

“New Look?” Echoed Agnes.

“New look!” He turned Maddie toward Agnes. “Do you see this smile – makes you want to check the canary cage, eh Agnes?”

“David.” Maddie tried to scold him but couldn’t even do it lightheartedly. “It is good to have you back.”

“Good to be back.” He kissed her on the cheek. “Miss DiPesto – we have more policy and procedures to iron out – so we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, you will!”

He wrapped his arm around Maddie’s waist and led her out of the office. Agnes beamed as she listened to their conversation going down the hall.

“David what are you going to do with all that stuff in your office?”

“Who’d have thunk it – there are people living in my apartment. Must have been that rent thing again.”

“You don’t have a place to live?”

“Thought I would bunk in with you.”

“With me?”

“Me... with thee… Si.”

“We’ll see.”

The elevator dings and we can no longer hear their conversation. We close with Agnes’s broad grin. “They are Barack!”

The MUSIC comes up: “Let's Stay Together”

Let me say that since, Since we've been together
Loving you forever, Is all I need,
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue, let's stay together

Loving you whether, whether, times are good or bad, happy or sad
I'm so in love with you, Whatever you want to do
Is alright with me, You make me feel so brand new
I want to spend my whole life with you

Why, oh tell me, why do people break up
Turn around and make up
I just came to see
You'd never do that to me, would you baby?
Cause being around you is all I see.